


how are your lungs (lost and decayed)

by BringMeJavaBringMeJoy



Category: DARLING In The FRANXX (Anime)
Genre: Coffee Shops, Depressing, F/M, Intrusive Thoughts, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Post Main Story, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 23:32:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18020579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BringMeJavaBringMeJoy/pseuds/BringMeJavaBringMeJoy
Summary: She was being truthful, and breaking his heart.He closed his eyes and started to shake with more intensity. “Can…” He was so unsure. “Can I touch you?” Hiro wrapped his arms around himself, as if to protect himself.She knew what he was talking about, she knew the intense fear and longing for answers. So, she reached out to him, her hand shockingly steady and she placed three cold delicate fingers to his burning wet cheek.





	how are your lungs (lost and decayed)

**Author's Note:**

> My birthday was on the 4th and literally not a single person reached out to me, like not even my eye doctor who has remembered every single birthday, so I'm sad, and I've been drinking a lot and writing shitty poetry, I also wrote this in a couple hours. I haven't proof read it yet, but this was just an sad idea i had and wanted to indulge myself. I like, HIGHLY doubt that anyone will ever read this, so like, if you do. Consider this my formal apology.

For as long as she could remember, her hands always shook when learning about History. This was an issue her teacher noticed immediately, repeatedly scolded her for and continued the lessons. His voice proudly educating his students about the group that restarted human civilization, who had fought in the last interstellar war. He handed each student a potted plant and asked them to feel the soil and life of the plant, encouraging them to dump the pot onto their desk. With a smile, all the children happily covered themselves and their surroundings in dirt and laughed together. 

The teacher moved to the front of the classroom and informed everyone that their next lesson would be about cleaning up the mess they had just created, to symbolize the original humans who cleaned up their earth for them so long ago. He picked up a large, rolled up litho poster and began pinning it to the front board. It was of the original humans, three women and three men standing. They all wore polite grey uniforms, one of the women held a toddler in her arms. They stood in an open greenfield, surrounding a stone statue of a woman looking up towards the sky.

Her teacher said that they would learn about the stone woman tomorrow. He asked the students to thank the original humans for their hard work. Her classmates stood up and screamed their gratitude at a poster of humans who had died hundreds of years ago. She remained seated and vomited onto her desk.

Her father called her a problem child, infuriated that his own child would disrespect the Founders in front of the younger members of the community. He aggressively explained the importance of the original humans while driving her home and he was surprised to find that she again threw up during his lesson.

He locked her in her room and told her that she was going to regret her actions when her mother came home.

She curled up on her floor and wrapped her arms around her head. Violent images and intrusive memories burned themselves into her mind. As if her body were not her own, she felt old wounds slash themselves across her flesh. She pulled her peach hands in front of her eyes, she watched them shake as images of similar red hands continued to flash across her vision. False memories of a scared girl clutching an old book.

Her mother found her hours later, shaking in her own bile. Giving quick, soft apologies, she carried her to the bath. The water burned her skin, but her mother told her it would hurt less in a moment. She continued to cry and her mother delicately wiped away her tears.

“Your father told me about what happened in class.” She avoided her mother's gaze and watched the steam rise off the water. “I’m not angry with you, darling.” She could feel her mother's smile. “I know what's wrong with you.”

She learned that her mother experienced similar visions, that she saw blue skin and monsters whenever she closed her eyes. Her mother withheld much information, telling her that she was too young to fully understand what she was attempting to tell her. All that she knew was that her mother understood her.

Once she was clean, her mother drained the bathtub and filed it up again. She added rose petals, dried apple slices, and cinnamon sticks to the water. Her mother kissed her forehead and she watched as her pink hair tangled with a lock of her mother's blue hair that had fallen into the water. “You and I are the exact same, you are an exact copy of the woman I am. You’re pain will fade and your anger will extinguish into embers. You are Zero Two.”

Her mother told her that she would come and get her in twenty minutes and to enjoy herself. Once the door closed, Zero Two was alone.

Zero Two picked up a lone rose petal from the bath and thought about what her mother had told her. Her mother with her dusty blue hair saw visions of herself with blue skin, and experienced an ancient rage that didn’t belong to her. This detail stuck with Zero Two as she had dreams where her mother and her blue skin attacked her. It was a single dream, but one that occurred enough for her to memorize every detail. Violent and wrathful in her dreams, loving and delicate when she was awake.

Her mother came to her in time, dried her skin, and dressed her in a soft white dress. Zero Two was placed on her mothers bed, while her mother sat behind her and began brushing her hair. 

“Why did you name me this way?” She asked this while digging her thumb nail between her teeth, a poor habit that only her father attempted to prevent her from.

“You are Zero Two, my darling.”

Her mother delicately pulled the brush through her hair, providing more love and attention than was necessary for brushing your daughter’s hair. “That’s not what you tell the adults.” 

“Adults don’t like the truth.”

Zero Two attempted to break her nail with her teeth, “hng.” she only managed to slightly bend her nail.

They sat in silence, while her mother continued to brush her hair. Zero Two closed her eyes as her mother began softly humming. The thin air around her caressed her cooling skin. She could smell the scent of cinnamon the lingered in her hair and on her skin. Her soft hair gently touched her shoulder and forearm as her mother brushed the last lock of hair.

With clean skin, a pleasant smell, and a calmer mind, Zero Two could pretend that everything before this moment had never occurred. Her mother walked to her jewelry box, and returned with a sole. She tired the string around Zero Two’s wrist, the bracelet was simple, the only decoration on the string was a charm of a bird. She asked her what kind of bird it was and her mother only smiled as a response. Quietly informing her that they were going to her Tree.

Tree, that sprouted from the crumbling statue of the real Zero Two.

Always crowded, and decorated with fairy lights. Her mother sat herself on a bench facing Zero Two’s Tree, telling her daughter to find herself. She asked her mother what she meant, she only smiled and told her to run.

She jumped over the smaller exposed roots and climbed over the larger ones. She grasped at the bark of the trunk, trying to pull herself towards a branch that was unreachable. She ran towards kids that she recognized from class and she watched as they ran away from her. Turning away, she preoccupied herself by plucking grass from the earth, and chasing particles of dust she could see in the soft lighting. She figured that she would run around Zero Two’s Tree, until her mother would see how much she wanted to go home. Her lungs heaved as she raced around the roots. She heard her mothers concerned call for her, she turned her head while continuing her race. Her foot locked into a root and smashed into the ground.

She opened her eyes to a young boy standing over her, his face was concerned and his eyes sympathetic. He gave her a smile as he heroically offered her a hand to help her to her feet. Her breath was trapped in her throat, but she managed to smile and grasp his hand. When their skin met, Zero Two was met with flashing images of the boy covered in blood, scared, and dying. Once she was on her feet, she thanked the boy by vomiting onto his clothing.

Their respective parents raced towards them, and she could see that the boy had lost all sympathy for her. His mother frantically called his name, and Zero Two had to avoid Hiro’s scornful glaring.

She felt her own mothers arms wrap around her waist and pull her off of the ground. They watched as Hiro’s mother pulled his ruined top off of his body and lift him into her arms.

“What is wrong with you?” His mother demanded. “If your child is sick, you leave them at home. Now I have to make an emergency visit to our doctor.” Zero Two closed her eyes so that the woman couldn’t see her crying.

“No, no.” Her mother calmly spoke. “She’s not sick, Zero Two just gets nervous around boys her age” She could hear her mother's smile. “She meant no harm.”

Hiro’s mother went silent. She wondered if his mother accepted her mothers answer, she opened her eyes and was met with the visible disgust on her face. “Zero. Two.” Her face turned a light shade of red and his mother gritted her teeth. “You named your daughter Zero Two.”

Zero Two’s mother smiled, she raised her hand and brushed her fingers through her daughters hair. “Do you see this shade of pink?” she asked “She looks just like Zero Two.” She placed a kiss on Zero Two’s cheek.

“What the fuck is wrong with you.” Hiro's mother walked away before her mother could answer.

She and her mother returned home, she watched her mother draw another bath, and sat in silence as she brushed her hair again as if these things could make up for anything that would ever go wrong.

Eventually the did.

Zero Two thought of Hiro often, but she didn’t see him again until several years later. 

There was only one week before spring, her twelfth birthday had just passed a month before hand. Her teacher had been forced to move her into another school district due to the extreme bullying that had occurred around her. Her old principle told her parents that they had only themselves to blame for naming her after Zero Two. She was surprised to hear her father to speak up and remind the principle that ‘Hiro’ remain the most popular name among men even five almost a thousand years later. The principle told him that there was a difference and he stayed silent because he knew it was true.

She walked in her new classroom, squinting as the harsh golden light from the sunrise blinded her. Her teacher didn’t introduce her, the new school decided it would be for the best that the other children got to know her first. She was escorted to her seat, and her heart caught in her throat as she was placed next to Hiro.

He couldn’t have remember her, but he undoubtedly remembered the incident. He looked at her with indifferent eyes as she sat down. She glanced at him and for a moment and saw a faint outline of blue horns emerging from his head. They weren’t real, but the longer she look the more solid they became. Hiro leaned closer to her. He couldn’t have remembered her.

“I’m Hiro, what’s your name?” he didn’t extend his hand, he just watched her with empathetic blue eyes

She didn’t want him to remember. “Z.T.” She didn’t want to lie.

“Zeety?” He knew she hadn’t given him a real name.

“Oni.” She falsely corrected.

He nodded and continued to watch her. “I like your hair.” he complimented.

Her mother had spent all morning braiding her hair and placing it in what she called a sophisticated ponytail. She gave her advice on how to handle herself if she became angry during her first day, and reassured her that she had bought a fresh bundle of roses in case she needed a healing bath after school. She stood still as her mother straightened and fixed the school issued uniform, she had complimented Zero Two for remaining calm. The uniforms had been modeled after the Founders. She had learned to control her shaking over the years, thanks to her mother.

Zero Two smiled and thanked him. He didn’t remember her. “Can you take it down?” he asked, her smile fell. “I want to see what you would look like.”

She looked at her desk as she did what he asked. Undoing all the work her mother had done. Once her hair was draped around her, she glanced up at Hiro. He drew in a shallow breath and looked away. 

He remembered her.

\--

Following the only example she had, she looked to her mother. When she was a child she thought her mother was kind, compassionate, and loving. As she aged she learned that those traits were reserved for only her and her father. Sometimes not even the latter. Her mother gave false smiles, condescending looks, and cruel laughs. Her arrogant voice and the way she carried herself often infuriated others. Zero Two once asked her mother why she acted the way she did. She gave a loving laugh and said that she inherited her attitude from herself.

She wasn't the perfect victim. Zero Two was angry, any pain or grief that was inflicted onto her were always contaminated by her rage. Brash and violent. It had taken years to perfectly replicate her mother, and more importantly, looking into herself. She learned how to turn up her nose, cross her legs, and how to give cruel smiles. She was largely unliked, and Zero Two preferred things this way. 

Hiro was always in her classes, always in the corner of her eye. He ignored and avoided her. Zero Two took pleasure in long glances and condescending remarks. She had called him darling once as a joke, his face scrunched up and Zero Two smiled as result.

He was only trying to avoid her due to an unpleasant memory. His mother likely still resented her for the “actions” she did at the mature age of five.

Hiro was never mean to her, he didn’t join in when students gossiped, or mocked her. He was kind and well liked. A smart student with a promising future. The only time he had ever looked at her with hatred was when they school released the student rankings. All two thousand students were ranked in order of their ability and intelligence. Hiro ranked 016. Zero Two ranked 002. History was repeating itself. She couldn’t care about that, she met Hiro’s eyes. She had been waiting for him to start hating her, but quickly realized that it wasn’t anger in his eyes. It was envy.

They graduated. She had spent the last thirteen years perfecting her composure. No matter how angry she became, no matter what subject she studied, her hands never shook. The intrusive thoughts still bothered her, but she managed to work past them. Grotesque images and false memories were nothing more than fiction. She had kept her distance from Hiro since he had entered her life five years prior. Yet when all the students stood together, congratulating each other and themselves. Their parents joined in, and Zero Two stood still while her father took photos of her with her mother.

Behind her father, she saw Hiro making his way through the crowd with his mother. He was making his way towards her. They both stood in front of her and her mother, Hiro was the only one smiling. 

“Mom, this is Oni, the girl I was telling you about.” Zero Two could tell that his mother knew exactly who she was. Zero Two looked at Hiro, attempting to understand what possible reason he was introducing them. He gave her a compassionate smile “I was just telling my mom how we had that fun friendly rivalry in class.” He have a small laugh and Zero Two responded with a small smile.

Then his fingers brushed against hers.

A wave of nausea washed over her. A twisted memory of Hiro ripped through her mind. Hiro was strapped into a seat, and Zero Two was choking the life out of him.

The image left as quickly as it had come. She swallowed the bile in her throat. Looking up at Hiro, she saw that all the blood had drained from his face. Her vision began to falter and glimpses of an out of body experience began, as if she were Hiro looking at herself. Her eyes were glowing, and devilish horns were sprouting from her forehead. Between the satanic images of herself, she saw Hiro as he saw her. Glowing eyes and blue horns.

She did the only thing she could and walked away, her nails digging into her mother's hand.

\--

Zero Two refused to start her life.

Her mother encouraged her to follow her heart, she told her that whatever she did that she would continue to love her.

Zero Two laid in her bed for days. Her mother came in and lit candles for her, opened her window and allowed fresh wind to breeze into her room. In the evenings she took healing baths. She waiting until the water was almost boiling to add the ingredients. Fresh rose petals, dried apple slices, sticks of cinnamon, freshly cut strawberries, lavender and jade oils. 

She changed her sheets nightly and ignored the night mares that plagued her.

Zero Two spent her sleepless night sat on the hardwood floor. She began drawing, they were senseless. Golden drawings that would found in pleasant dreams. The longer she went without sleep the more abstract her drawings became. She poured golden glitter onto her skin and dripped candle wax onto the hardwood floor. 

Her parents found her in the morning, asleep on the floor. Her hands covered in paint, glitter scattered across her body, and her legs covered in green candle wax. 

Her mother smiled.

Her father pulled her off the floor and shook her awake.

They left her alone, leaving only her fathers scathing demand. Zero Two dressed in black panty hose, white shoes, and a plain red dress. She held her mother for a moment then walked outside to find a job.

Factory jobs and manual labor were the most popular and in demand jobs. Political and government jobs were also available. The idea of labor filled her with dread, and despite how well she excelled in education, she doubted that she would land a government job. She didn’t see the point of seeking higher education, and military jobs were outdated, and vastly unpopular.

Zero Two found a job just outside of the military. She found be working in a storage room. After her first day of training, she learned that the storage room was only a formality. After a month, she had grown accustomed to spending eight hours a day sitting in a chair, staring into space and speaking to no one. 

Her life was repetitive, and she sought out anything to change her routine. On her way to work, she stopped one cold morning for a cup of coffee. The cafe was empty, the air was dusty and the smell of coffee was embedded into the walls. She approached the counter and was greeted with the familiar face of Hiro

“Oni” he said his pet name for her as though he were only breathing. His black hair was longer and unkempt, dark circles were prominent under his eyes.

Zero Two sucked in her lower lip and started chewing on it, thinking better of it, she brought up her thumb and began chewing on her nail. “Aren’t you supposed to be a university, darling.”

Hiro remained frozen before her. His blue eyes were full of shame. “I failed out.” He glanced down at the floor for a moment “I couldn’t handle it.” She nodded, she didn’t know how else to respond “What.” Hiro swallowed. “What are you doing.”

Waiting a moment before answering. “I’m doing low grade military work.” She wanted to look away but kept her eyes on him.

Hiro picked up a dirty rag and placed it on the counter, as if he wanted her to think he was doing his job. “How, uh, how low grade.” He didn’t ask her a question, but she knew he wanted to keep the conversation going.

Moving into a more relaxed stance, Zero Two moved her hands to her hips “I’m sitting down all day, I have the standard uniform and the bomber jacket, but my entire career is going to keep me confined to the same room.”

“That’s heartbreaking.” Zero Two narrowed her eye’s at Hiro. He covered his eyes and stood up straight. “What would you like to order?” he placed the entirety of his attention towards the cash register. 

“A large latte with raspberry syrup. That’s all I want, darling.” Zero Two tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. 

She watched as Hiro quickly turned to make her drink. She turned her back to him and observed his place of employment. The building he was in was a real shit hole. Older than most buildings. The wood on the ceiling was rotting, only one wall was painted and all the color had gone, leaving only sparse chips scattered like stars. The furniture was ugly, with outdated patterns. The only windows in the establishment were at the front with the entrance, large glass panels with showcased the brick buildings across the street. She turned back to Hiro. The equipment surrounding him appeared to be new.

Zero Two licked her lips. “Are you busy? This place doesn’t exactly seem like a popular joint.” She could have been nicer, she could have also been colder.

“Yeah,” He started as he finished her drink. “No. No actually. We don’t have business.” He held onto her drink.

“Going out of business.” 

He took a sip of her latte. “No, uh.” He took another sip. “Did you know that they made fake jobs like this. If someone was promising and then starts spiraling out, they give them isolated jobs. I think it’s to motivate them. I can understand, give them a labor job they’ll just accept where they are, the military is already a mess. So, fake service jobs, in dumps like this.” Hiro took a larger drink of her latte.

“Are you motivated?” She didn’t pity him, she was only curious.

“This actually does work for most people.” He informed her. “They say I should start to feel motivated again in a couple of months, and then I can go back to school.” His eyes were filled with sorrow. 

She did pity him. “When do you get off?”

Hiro leaned onto the counter. “I’m, i’m the only worker, so I close when I want to.” He looked up at her. “Why, uh, why do you need to know.”

Zero Two reached over and delicately pulled her drink away from him, careful to not touch his fingers. “I get off at 5pm, I’ll stop by.” She had over half a drink left, she closed her eyes and took a large gulp. “That is.” She smiled, “If you’re not too busy, darling.”

She didn’t want to wait for a rejection, so she walked out before he could. The latte was sweet, coated with too much syrup. Despite how sickly sweet the drink was, she finished it and tossed the cup onto the sidewalk. 

\--

Hiro was actually waiting for her, with what she could only imagine to be another raspberry latte. The sky was graying outside, and fallen orange leaves blew into the cafe when she opened the door. Zero Two walked towards him, with a calm excitement. Hiro gave her a flustered greeting, apologizing for drinking her latte that morning while handing her a new drink. 

Zero Two took a conservative sip, and decided to burn the bridge right away.

“Why did you tell your mom we were friends?” She preoccupied herself by looking around the not so decorated building.

“I,” Hiro turned to look around the room, as though his mother were there to ease drop. “I, I wanted to be your friend.”

Zero Two nodded and took another sip. “You needed your mother's approval?”

“No-”

“No, I get it, my mother means the world to me too.” The atmosphere of the room changed, and Zero Two wanted to leave.

“Hey, can-”

“You know you put too much syrup in this.” She didn’t want to hear him talk.

“-I need to ask-”

“Like this drink is disgusting” She contradicted herself by taking a large gulp.

“-A simple question and I know what your answe-”

“This is honestly just sugar, pink sugar, you should be-” He wouldn’t stop

“-Answer, i want your answer-”

“I don’t who I need to call but-” Her hands started to shake and nausea was rising up to her throat.

“-I need you-”

“Fired, you are going to be FIRED-” She went to move away.

“-Just give me an answer!” Hiro raised his voice

Zero Two threw her drink on the ground. “What’s the fucking question?” she demanded.

The room was quiet as Hiro turned his back to her. He ran his fingers through his unkempt black hair. Hiro was noticeably trembling. She could hear him repeatedly swallowing. Placing her hands on the counter, Zero Two took a step back and bent forward. The situation was uncomfortable and she would rather have her body face the floor than Hiro. A pink puddle surrounded her left foot and she could feel the burning sensation of where the drink had splattered against her leg. She couldn’t bite her nail at the moment so she settled for digging her nails into the counter top. Zero Two closed her eyes and forced herself to think about where she would be within the next hour. A healing bath, a clean bed, and soft candles.

“Do you ever dream about us.” Hiro broke the silence. “I mean.” She could feel him lean over the counter. “Dreams where you and I are dancing in space?” 

She slightly lifted her head to look into his eyes.

Hiro was being completely sincere. He was embarrassed, and shaking. “Like.” He continued to explain. “I remember meeting you, when we were kids, and I helped you up and.” Hiro closed his eyes “When I touched you, I saw you, but..” His breathing swallowed “You were all red, and covered in fur, and you were chained up, and scared and.” Hiro opened his eye. “Then you were pink and peach and throwing up on me and I thought that I had hurt you.”

Zero two remained silent and only blinked at him. “My mom told me to never go near you again, she, she loves to hold a grudge and I thought I would never see you again, but i did and you pretended that you didn’t know me, and” Hiro was starting to hyperventilate. “You ignored me but called me darling, I just wanted to be near you, but I couldn’t maybe i was scared or you, you pushed me away.” He was starting to cry. “But I, would see things, that didn't exist when i saw you, and you were always just better than me. Then at graduation, I touched you and I saw you, you were standing outside and you were cut up, and I couldn’t” his voice cracked “I couldn’t help you, and then you ran away from me, and”

Hiro took a deep breath and allowed himself a moment to collect himself. “Then,” he began again “Then at college, I had countless dreams of you, of us. We were dancing in space. Among the stars and I,” He looked at her with complete desperation. “Have you had these dreams too?” He breathed. “I need to know.”

Closing her eyes, Zero Two took a moment before standing up. She looked at Hiro, his blue eyes were bloodshot, his nose and cheeks were beat red, and he was still shaking. “No.” Hiro looked as though his heart fell to his stomach. “I’ve never dreamed about us in space.”

She was being truthful, and breaking his heart.

He closed his eyes and started to shake with more intensity. “Can…” He was so unsure. “Can I touch you?” Hiro wrapped his arms around himself, as if to protect himself.

She knew what he was talking about, she knew the intense fear and longing for answers. So she reached out to him, her hand shockingly steady and she placed three cold delicate fingers to his burning wet cheek.

A grotesque image of Hiro collapsed a covered with blood came to her mind, she watched herself pick up his body and felt her cheeks pull into a smile, looking out an invisible entrance as if she were showing off an injured Hiro as one would a trophy. Zero Two felt blood flowing down the side of her face and pulled her hand away from Hiro. Her hand outlined her face and found not a trace of blood. She stood still and attempted to present herself as though she were not choking on her own vomit.

“Did you see it?” He asked, she managed to open her eyes and Hiro was smiling. “It was you and me, at a river and we, we were fishing.” he reached out to her and Zero Two backed away. “Didn’t you…” his smile fell. “Didn’t you see it.” 

She couldn’t verbalize a lie, so she only shook her head.

Hiro started to shake again, sucking in his lower lip he began to cry. Zero Two stood across from him in silence. Hiro made no attempt to touch her, so she made no attempt to move. The sun had completely set at that point. Neon lights from the adjacent buildings illuminated the hardwood floor in the cafe.

“Can I hold you?” Hiro asked. She didn’t turn to look at him. “I’m living in the apartment upstairs, my mattress is on the floor, and it’s a mess but.” He gave himself a moment. “You didn’t feel anything but I did. I need to understand what this means.”

She could walk out, keep her mouth shut and go home. Take a healing bath and wake up the next morning for her dead end job. She could stay right here, tell him the truth, but the truth was too much. Zero Two was trapped in the moment. She didn’t want to leave him and she didn’t want him to know that she had lied. So she lied to herself instead. Maybe the longer she touched him, the easier it would be.

She turned to walk deeper into the cafe until she found the staircase leading to the upstairs. Zero Two could hear Hiro behind her frantically moving to lock up the building and turn off the machines. When she reached his ‘apartment’ she didn’t bother to call back and ask for his permission to enter. She walked in as though it was her own home. Dirty dishes covered the floor, and a bare mattress pushed against the wall on the floor, with only a single dirty sheet as a blanket. The room reeked of laundry, and Zero Two took the liberty of opening the only window in the studio apartment. She knew she would be punished if she dirtied her uniform, so she removed her clothing and placed them on a loose nail in the wall. She managed to find a clean shirt of Hiros that she could wear that covered her decently.

Hiro knocked before entering as though he were the guest. 

 

“I want you to know I’m not going to clean this place” Zero Two spoke. “If you expect this to ever happen again, you better make sure this place is spotless.”

Hiro nodded “Where did you get that shirt.” He timidly walked towards her.

“Isn’t this yours?”

“No, the guy how lived here before me left a bunch of stuff.” Hiro informed her. “Could be his.”

How disgusting.  
Hiro was the first to sit on his mattress and Zero Two followed. He pulled his knees up to his chest and she stretched her legs out, leaning against the wall behind them. They quietly sat next to each other. Hiro rubbed his hands together as Zero Two chewed into her nails. “How long, can I uh, hold you.” He asked, turning towards her.

She wanted to be fair “Until I tell you to stop.” But she wasn’t fair.

Zero Two moved her body to lay on the edge of the mattress, she could feel the dip of Hiro moving behind her. His breath moved the locks of hair at the back of her neck as he waited. Digging her fingers into the side of the mattress, she held her breath as he reached his arm over her body and pulled her into him.

The intrusive thoughts remained the same. Violent, unwanted, shameful. Ugly false memories began to drown her as she watched a monstrous version of herself destroy the world around her.

She was a devil, glowing eyes, bright red horns, and sharp teeth.

The intrusive thoughts faded to a halt as they began to repeat themselves. Pain and anquinish quieted down until she was only laying on a dirty mattress with Hiro holding her. She had only a moment to breath until her mind found another way to torture her.

Flashbacks to isolation, experimentation, and combat extermination.

Flinging herself away from the mattress, Zero Two dragged herself across the filthy floor into the bathroom.

Hiro followed her and held her while she vomited, she couldn’t tell him that he was making it worse.

He eventually let go of her, and Zero Two slumped onto the bathroom floor. Her hair and arms were covered in vomit, it was the only thing she could taste and smell. She asked Hiro if she could bathe and he told her that his pipes didn’t actually work.

\--

It took him a month, but Hiro eventually did clean his room. He proudly showcased his clean studio apartment along with his working bathroom. He then got on his knees and begged her to move in, Zero Two refused.

\--

She would spend every moment with Hiro until she couldn’t stand to anymore. Zero Two dedicated months of her life to surrounding herself with him and then switched to threatening him if he attempted to contact her again. She always returned.

At first she would take his hand, then she would hold him. He began whispering in her ear, holding her closer. Breathing in her hair, claiming to getting drunk on the scent of cinnamon. His body was warmer with each hug, and his flesh more firm.

In time, he would kiss her neck, between her breasts, down her stomach, he wanted more and she refused.

\--

The intrusive thoughts repeated themselves, she memorized the violence and was learning to ignore them with every extra touch. She listened as Hiro took her the pleasant things he saw, as they pieced together his side of the imaginary love story and she continued lying to him about what she saw.

He began spending his little income on expensive paint for her, asking if she could recreate the visions he saw. She painted herself with red horns, and believed that she was looking into a mirror

\--

Hiro wasn’t eating, nothing more than one meal every other day. Zero Two drew a healing bath for them to take together. She could see the outline of his ribs, and the bones in his back. When she pointed this out to him, he blandly informed her that they only ate together, and that her cheeks were hollow and her hip bone was protruding. 

She watched the warm water and healing remedies swirl around her too thin frame, and dropped the conversation.

\--

Hiro’s mother stopped by one day. Demanding that her son leave the cafe and return to school. Threatening him with false repercussions if he didn’t immediately leave Zero Two.

Hiro refused, and Zero Two moved in the next day with the help of her mother.

\--

Fixing the cafe was expensive, Zero Two’s first goal was to make sure that she and Hiro ate at least one meal every day. They succeeded for a while, but some weeks were harder than others.

She paid to have the ceiling fixed. Once that was done she and Hiro worked on the second floor together. Hiro agreed to paint it white at her request. He washed the hardwood floor with vinegar while Zero Two was at work. He kissed her neck as he told her that he was getting better, and it was thanks to her. Zero Two responded by pouring her collection of golden glitter onto it. 

\--

He took her to an expensive restaurant and told her that he didn’t understand her, ranting about how her personality and action contradicted herself. 

She taunted a false apologized for being human. 

The date ended with Zero Two paying as Hiro didn’t have the money to. 

\--

Furnishing the apartment was the next step. She didn’t ask Hiro how he wanted to room to look, Zero Two simply moved her furniture from home into the apartment. She had thrown away everything that had belonged to Hiro, she wasn’t sure if she were punishing him for something, but she often didn’t understand any action she took involving Hiro. 

Every time she touched him, she saw herself hurting him. She was the Red Devil, and he the Blue Devil. 

She didn’t want to be needlessly cruel to him. Zero Two made a point to throw away his wardrobe and replace it with items that were cheap and plain. Inconvenient and inconsiderate. 

\--

They didn’t have much money, Hiro’s income was pathetic, and the Military didn’t have the resources to give their workers a living wage. They had been living together for a year when the Military lost even more funding. Zero Two’s income halved, and they were both forced to ask their parents for money. 

Both parties refused, and Zero Two was forced to seek out a second job.

\--

They worked their way up to eating two meals a day when the military was completely defunded and Zero Two lost her job. 

She and Hiro went back to eating only once every other day until she quit her second job and settled with a low paying job in city government.

They were back to eating one meal everyday.

\--

She asked Hiro to brush her hair one night, and he happily obliged. Zero Two attempted to hum the songs that her mother would when she brushed her hair but she sadly realized that she hadn’t a clue what those songs were.

Hiro gently pulled her hair away from her neck and place a solitary kiss on her pulse. She tilted her head to give him better access as he continued. He whispered that he wanted to be with her as he pulled her closer.

She refused.

\--

They had their bad weeks, but they always ended.

However, this particular bad spot had lasted a month and a half. They kept pushing through it, and every morning Hiro continued to make Zero Two a raspberry latte before she left for work.

Until this morning, when she took a gulp of straight black coffee. 

She spit up the bitter burning coffee onto her work uniform “What the FUCK is your problem.” 

Hiro folded his arms in defense. “You always get the same sweet drink, but it doesn’t exactly match your personality.”

“Eat me.” Zero Two tossed the remainder of the drink onto his torso and then stormed out of the building

\--

Hiro worked everyday from 6am to 6pm, his busy days saw him serving up to several customers during a single twelve hour shift. The bad days saw him sitting still for twelve hours, until he called it early and went upstairs.

Zero Two didn’t hate her new job, the pay was terrible but she had every single weekend off. She was the breadwinner of the relationship and she barely made enough to keep food on the table.

But today was her day off, a warm Saturday afternoon, and once Hiro was done with work they would lay on the bed together, staring at the ceiling in silence. They had talked the night before about finally painting the walls of the cafe, but they couldn’t agree on a color, and once they woke in the morning, they both decided it was best to wait until Sunday to make such a big decision.

Zero Two melted into the peacefulness of the moment, breathing in the burning candles, stretching on top fresh sheets, lounging in her favorite red dress. She turned her head to the side and watched dust particles dancing in the light from the window.

Hiro quietly entered the room.

“Bad day?” she already knew the answer. He closed the door behind him and watched her with his back against the door.

“I would like to give you something.” She knew where this was going.

She gave him a smile. “My birthday isn’t until the 27, February is a short month, you can wait a few more weeks.” Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink. "Darling"

Hiro took a step forward. “Oni, I want to be with you.” 

Her face was warm, and they had had this conversation more times than she could remember, and he always respected her answer. The candles smelled like raspberries, the sheets were soft, and he would always respect her answer.

Leaning up on her elbows, she gave Hiro a sweet smile. “Eat me.” and she spread her legs.

He took another step towards her, waiting for Zero Two to change her mind. She continued smiling at him. Sitting up straight, she pulled off her dress and tossed it on the floor.

Hiro climbed onto the bed and kissed her as though he were dying of dehydration. Tangling his hand into hair, Zero Two placed her hands on his shoulder and pushed them down. Hiro fought to kiss her neck, trace her collar bone with his tongue, and pushed her bra aside to place his mouth on her breast.

They had done this scene many times, but she knew how they ended and how soon. Too often she spent her whole energy ignoring the violent visions, or attempting to switch her focus. Lately she pushed Hiro off of her because she couldn’t stand seeing her own rib cage. 

But in this moment, she was able to push aside negative thoughts, and breath in.

Hiro slowly kissed down her stomach, so slowly and tenderly, until he was between her legs, and then he kissed her through the fabric. Zero Two arched her back, placing her hand on the back of Hiro’s head, and pushed his face into her.

His mouth covered her, and her skin began a pleasant burn. He lifted her hips when her breathing began to hitch and she told him that he was going to have to do better than that.

\--

Her breathing was heavy, and she couldn’t stop smiling. Hiro dropped her hips and moved to lay beside her. He kissed her neck and she let out a laugh, he went to grab her wrist, but she rushed them to kiss face and kissed his lips. He pulled her waist towards him, she could feel how much he wanted her.

She kissed him tenderly, and spoke with a smile.

“Take care of yourself.” With the she pulled away from him and went to take a bath.

\--

He wanted to paint one wall of the cafe a light pink, a leave the other one’s be. Zero Two thought it was sweet and agreed. They spent all morning buying paint and the supplies, happy and in love until they arrived home. 

Hiro had spent the last three years living in the cafe and showed no sign of wanting to return to school or pursue a real career. They were no longer going to support a mooch. They had one month to find a new place to live.

\--

The new apartment was smaller and more expensive. Zero Two moved everything by herself as Hiro attempted to find himself a job.

It had taken him two months, but he eventually found a part time job.

\--

He proposed to her after five years of dating. He took her to the exact spot they had meet when they were children at the base of the Zero Two Tree.

She knelt down on her own knees and kissed his face.

And refused.

\--

Every surface of their home was covered in golden glitter and candle wax, they came together as though they were a mosaic depicting her and Hiro’s life together.

\--

Their bathtub was too small, but they both insisted on continuing their tradition of healing baths. The water was colder than it should have been, and they substituted dried apples for raspberries. The cinnamon sticks they used were stale, but still held their scent. It wasn’t perfect but they had each other. She watched with a smile as Hiro reached over and poured a handful of glitter into the bathtub, he traced his hand across the water, mixing them in.

She raised her leg out of the water and placed it on Hiro’s shoulder. She still had intrusive thoughts whenever she touched Hiro, they never left, and she doubted that they ever would. She had learned to live with them, and sometimes they faded into white noise. It wasn’t perfect, and it would never be perfect.

Hiro traced his finger down her leg, and placed a kiss on her ankle.

A small smile on her face, Zero Two gave him a wink. “I love you, darling.”

It wasn’t perfect

But she could live with this.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh Oh!! I don't know about you!! But i'm feeling this was poorly written for a college girl who just turned 22 (ou ouooooooo)!!


End file.
